This is where it get’s really personal.

Recently, my friends will have noticed that I have developed, or grown into my positive mindset. I have been working really hard on coaching myself to see the best in every person and every situation. It hasn’t been difficult. I made a decision that I would simply refuse any type of negative thoughts to enter my mind. It’s given me confidence, I have found a new ‘no matter what’ attitude.

I am not naive enough to think that I am going to get everything right every time. However, if I believe that it’s possible and do exactly what I said I was going to do, then I will know I gave that situation my all and so it IS a positive result, even if it wasn’t the one I had planned.

Somehow, this morning, while reading an amazingly inspiring book, I started to have massive doubt. I started to wonder if i was ‘acting’ rather than feeling. What if I was just telling myself I was enjoying life, what if I was masking my feelings with the idea of being a better person? What if I am not the strong person I want to become and thought I was becoming? Feeling anxious and panicked, I reverted to my old ways of escapism and I cried.

I decided to put my trust in my friend, Jen. She won’t mind me using her name (i hope). Jen is 100% the most positive person I know. Even though she’s had a tougher ride than some of us, she always manages to find the silver lining and that is my favourite thing about her. So I sought out some of that positivity which she gives away so freely.

Jen’s response “Glad to see you’re actually still human.”

Instantly, my mood brightened – aided by a hilarious video of Jen. She made sense. Of course I am going to doubt myself, of course I am going to have a less than perfect day sometimes but it’s how you deal with it that truly makes your character.

I read a quote once – I am sure it was Jean Vanier in the Broken Body, although I cannot seem to locate the quote anywhere – that said something to the effect of “The one you set out to heal ends up healing you.”

When I met Jen, I introduced her to my world through one of my greatest passions at the time and she could see my vision and see exactly what could be created and so she stuck by me and lucky for me, she’s still here. Throughout our friendship, Jen has been my business partner, my life coach, my room mate, my drinking buddy, the one I’ve sat up with until the small hours playing with snapchat filters after dancing all evening, my personal comedian when I needed a giggle and most of all my friend. She has changed me! I am eternally grateful to the universe for allowing mine and Jen’s paths to cross.

I made a promise to myself at the beginning of the year, that going forward, I would be prepared to be vulnerable and step away from the smoke and mirrors that social media platforms provide. People only post their best selves on social media, you never know what’s going on behind the camera. So herein lies the purpose of this blog post, well that and the chance to big up my awesome friend, who just over a year ago, I didn’t even know existed.

The book I was reading, that I mentioned above is called “The Universe Has Your Back” by Gabrielle Bernstein.


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